lexieonline

It is ok to simply, not be ok.

There have been times in my life when I felt like I was on top of the world. I felt like no one could ever bring me down and I felt like I was absolutely unstoppable. Those are the best times and I wish those feelings could have lasted forever. But of course, when it rains, it pours…

And that is a very, very true statement.

I remember when I first started experiencing anxiety and panic attacks. Before that, I was so gullible to the fact that I simply had no idea what anxiety even was or what a panic attack felt like! Man, I wish I could go back to those days… Don’t we all??? I first started experiencing anxiety when I was a freshman in college. It was in November of 2017. I felt so depressed and on edge. I was getting so caught up in thoughts and emotions that I could not even go to McAlister’s and enjoy a meal with a friend without having to leave because I was on the verge of a panic attack. I knew something was wrong with me, but I did not know how to handle the stress and the overthinking. And why? Why was I so caught up in this constant over-worrying state? At 18? There were a few reasons I could think of that are, of course, irrelevant now.

The change from high school to college was something I mentally was not prepared for. I became a shell of my true self and hesitated a lot when it came to putting myself out there, which was something I had never struggled with. After experiencing these overwhelming feelings of uncertainty, I knew I needed help and did everything I could think of to stop worrying so much and stop panicking. 

It was on Christmas Eve of that same year when my good friend invited me to go to church with her. My family did attend church regularly, but I was not going to pass down the opportunity to go to church with my friend, and so I went. Usually, sermons on Christmas Eve or around Christmas time, in general, are always the same story. Remembering the real reason for the season, etc.

Out of nowhere, the preacher starts preaching about anxiety, panic attacks, and worrying. He was preaching about exactly what I was experiencing at that time in my life. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. It was like he was talking directly to me and only me. I will always be grateful for my friend who invited me to church that day.

I knew this was meant to happen and a sermon that I was meant to hear for a reason. From that moment on, believe it or not, I never had problems with panic attacks again. God works in mysterious ways, and He wants the best for us. The day I attended a random church service with a friend is a day that will always be engraved into my memory.

I still have anxiety and worry about things, but it is so much more manageable now. I cannot even begin to exaggerate how much of a Godsend that sermon was and how it changed my life for the better. It is a reminder of the never-ending love the Lord has for all of us and a reminder that anxiety is manageable.

If you’re struggling with anxiety and panic attacks today, remember to let God be in control and focus on things day by day, one thing at a time.